Saturday, April 30, 2011

Yet another monsoon...


She stood by the window, a silent silhouette, watching the noisy rain. The skies were overcast, dark and menacing. Lightning coursed through the darkness at intervals leaving silver streaks on its path. The entire clan on the hillside was rejoicing, their heads swaying with the wind, their leaves screeching in delight. Parched Earth was soaking it all in, overwhelmed at the love pouring from the sky. The heady earthy smell wafted into her senses as she gazed in wonder at this celebration of the changing seasons.

She dreamt of a monsoon when she would step into the rain, no longer a mere onlooker whilst all of nature rejoiced. She would be under the pouring sky, while the water drenched her from head to toe, inundating her senses. How long before she would break the shackles of her self imposed restrictions. How many more seasons to go before she knew what it is to be the earth, to open out her arms to the sky and melt in the warmth of the cool rain - savouring this simple pleasure of life!

Joy of living

On a moonlit night, skies studded with stars, I gaze at the immense vastness in never - ceasing wonder. Infinity is such an awe-inspiring feeling. These starry blue skies they go on.. and on.. and on...

Then I think of me; puny little me; finite little me. I have to end one day. Tiny insignificant me- looking up at the skies of a not so puny earth; in a big solar system ; in a huge milky way ; of immense cluster of galaxies ; in an unimaginably vast universe.....what would that make the poor ant or even worse a microbial paramoecium...

Size definitely does not seem to be a criteria here. The universe does not differentiate between a bacteria and me. Both of us have a well defined system which helps us fit into the scheme of things. Each of our lives being utterly precious. That is a good feeling indeed!
The very fact that I can look at the sky, perceive its beauty and enjoy it, is a miracle; our lives being abundant with these miracles. Most of the time we tend to take them for granted.

If only we could take a deep breath, step back a little and be conscious of the magic around us. Let that awareness flood our being, immersing our body and soul, we would realize how very special each one of us are; how special our lives are. This power to perceive and enjoy beauty, to love and to be loved, maybe, that itself is who or what we call God .

My time here is finite, but my consciousness infinite - born again and again 'cause I can never get enough of this beauty around me. My puny self beholds an immense universe within and vice versa , me and the world- with all its mountains, rivers, sun and the stars, beings big and small- interwoven into a cosmic pattern ......

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Venu ganam

I can hear the strains of your heavenly flute floating into my ears through the corridors of an age long ago....

Beautiful Yamuna straining to touch your feet while we melt into the night under the canopy of the star-lit skies. . The naughty breeze - she changes direction to embrace you , sending your curly locks flying, carressing my forehead. I looked into your eyes - two limpid pools of blue and the cycle of time stopped. How many ages have passed since Dwapara yugam and am still imprisoned somewhere in the depths of your beautiful eyes.

I know you have been with me through every age, every life of mine. I have caught you unawares when you laugh out in joy. I have seen you in the twinkle of those beautiful laughing eyes. In moments when our souls connect and you turn over to hold me close in the early hours of dawn, I hear the notes of your flute floating to me through corridors of ages long ago......

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

On the wings of a fish...

Once we alighted the bus at the unassuming market place, we had to walk a few furlongs to my grandparents place. Taxis and rickshaws were not invented then, atleast not in this village, a coolie uncle would carry the bigger bag on his shoulder and we would march behind him, our shoes trailing footprints on the sand . I would imagine I was in an adventure, crawling through narrow lanes with spiky kaitha fences on either side, which if touched would start beeping and give me away to the enemy. Sometimes we had to take detours and cut through courtyards of houses where we would be apprehended by the folks with enquiries about how long we would be here and how big the kids had grown blah blah. Me and my brother would stand impatiently on one feet twitching our noses. All I wanted was to somehow get to the house. After many a climb and descent and small talk , finally I would perceive the huge elanji maram at the entrance to the pathway leading to the house. As every year, unfailingly, the entire pathway would be strewn with elanji flowers, the fragrance enveloping the place giving it an ethereal feeling.

As soon as we had showed our faces, we would be dashing all over the place, running to the pond where the mango tree had showered its entire load of mangoes last year, and then run back to the other pond where we had community baths, all of us kids in the neighbourhood. I would rush to check under the elanji maram, where we had dug a bottle of hand made herbal medicine, a concoction of various leaves and flowers. I had convinced my little brother that if kept for a year under the soil this medicine would turn us invisible. Well, the bottle itself seems to have gone invisible for the time being. Never mind, I was never short of ideas.

Sadly or happily, depending on the situation , I happened to be the eldest amongst the monkey army. Sometimes we were all fishermen and I would lead them with a basket in my hand and go catching fish in the pond. I had no idea it was tadpoles I was fishing at; quite fishy they were-every one of them managed to slip through my basket. After a gruelling duel of fishing Iwould emerge out of the pond with an empty basket, wet as a fish. This would send granpa into a frenzy invoking his thullal roopam - running after me with a stick shouting out loudly about what a unruly marathi girl I'd become. I would manage to outrun him every time not knowing he was intentionally acting defeated. If you wouldnt find me anywhere on the ground, I would defintiely be up the guava tree. The entire day I would be running from tree to tree, sometimes talking to them, sometimes hugging them . How I loved telling them stories - not very sure if they enjoyed it though.

Day times were great fun, but come evening it was like being in a ghost story, crickets screeching endlessly puncutated with croaks from frogs and various other vocalists putting in their two bits. It was like a symphony, only a scary one though. We would gather around the huge lamp and shout out God's name. If our voice had to carry to God above all these symphonies, chanting wouldnt suffice I suppose. Everywhere you turned there were huge shadows from the chimney lamps adding to the horror effect. By seven, tired and sleepy I would stare at the chimney , counting the insects that came diving into the light only to be devoured by the fire. However sleepy I was, I will always remember how relishing the food was! Sleep would come quickly putting aside all my plans of scaring my brother with stories of demons that lurked behind the shadows. Last waking thought being about the match boxes I would be needing tommorrow in order to go vettaalan hunting..........bzzzzz bzzzzzzzz..........zzzzzzzzzzzz

elanji .... a small , fragrant flower
maram= tree
thullal=to be possessed
vettaalan= a bug that goes bzzz bzzz

Friday, April 8, 2011

"Ding an sich"

It was three days since I heard from him. I decided to wait some more before I logged out.

There was nothing in common between us but for our passion for truth perhaps. In fact there was a lot to divide us, our ages, our back-grounds...he a strapping young man of less than 30 galloping towards the future, with dreams of changing the world - me, a sober, more than middle aged woman at that bend of the road from where life begins to slow down . We shared no secrets , we made no pacts, he merrily titled me siso and I made him my bro. We made little conversation, whatever he beleived in was mirrored in his work. His poems, his articles - they spoke volumes about him, displaying his intellect. I enjoyed the little spaces of silence we shared.

I was sad, he had left no message. As I got ready to close down there was a 'pop' in my ear followed by a hug and a long drawn out smeeee.......time stood still, I could sense my eyes brimming, my heart filled with joy. I complained - he apologised, trying to pacify me and suddenly it struck me - this was it !. This was 'ding an sich' !!! - 'the thing in itself',the real thing. Love at its best, as it is - true and unconditional, nothing to give and nothing to gain. Rarely do we get glimpses of ' ding an sich'. Most of the time we are watching perceptions, representations - not the truth.

That rare fleeting moment was truth in its entirety, joy at its best.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

In search of - Me

I wander thru lifetimes
in search of me -
high over mountains
neath the deep blue sea

In the deserts of atacama
where the earth slumbers in laze;
was it me -
the hot blazing winds
that made the sands twirl in daze..!


In the flowing blue of Nile
where the pharaoh ruled the shores;
was it me -
the bubbling brimming wave
that told a thousand lores..!

In the deep congo forest
where the rains never cease;
was it me -
a lark in the darkest hour
that sang of hope and peace..!

I knock at memory's shut doors
search for the key
looking out for answers
that will get through to me!