Yashoda

Yashoda was a girl in my neighbourhood. She was all of nineteen, beautiful, her skin tanslucent like pearls, smiling expressive eyes, a royal nose with a shining stone at the tip. She had long beautiful tresses. Whenever I think of her its her laughter that rings in my ears. Its been more than thirty years, yet her picture lies stamped in my memory .

Kitty and me, thats my friend-we were two peas in a pod, there was/is one more pea to this pod, who now lives in Kochi. ( If I miss her out here, she will murder me) so- kitty and me we would run to Yashoda as soon as we gobbled up our lunch after school. I was not more than eleven then. Yashoda would be waiting for us after an early lunch and siesta. As soon as she saw us she would get her magazine out while we waited like good children, squatting on the mat she laid out for us. The next hour or so we would be lost in Yashoda's stories. The hero's and heroine's of her stories became part of our lives.

Sometimes, eyes wistful, her stories would stray to her village, some where far away in Karnataka, where her mom and siblings lived. Then, suddenly she would make us listen to her heart beating, which was like a wild horse galloping . Amused at our shocked faces she would laugh out loud- her head thrown back, revealing her thin graceful neck. She said she had a hole in her heart and she had come to her father in the city to get herself treated. That was why she had extremely thin arms and body.

One evening, while we played in the courtyard, I heard a huge commotion in front of her house. Someone shouted out to me, 'somethings happened to your friend'. I went numb, my thoughts , my body, I remember sitting outside her house staring into oblivion. I could hear Kitty sobbing out loud loudly, her mom trying to pacify her.There were no tears from me, I had no wish to go see her. I dont remember how long I sat there. Slowly my cells began working again and from some place deep inside me I heard a voice say 'so - its not just my dad, others die too'.

I still cant fathom my reaction then, I would like to believe it was my natural defence mechanism taking over to protect me from the pain. She lives in my thoughts, her smile, her laugh all intact.

An attempt...at kavitha

ഒരു അശ്രു ബിന്ദുവായ്‌

Nin കണ്ണില്‍ നിന്ന് ഊര്‍ന്നു

കവിലിണ തഴുകി

ചുണ്ടില്‍ ഒതുങ്ങുവാന്‍ മോഹം

പിന്നെ ചിലപ്പോള്‍

തോരാത്ത മഴയായി

നിന്നെ പൊതിഞ്ഞു

നിന്‍ ആത്മാവില്‍

kulliraayi ചൊരിയുവാന്‍ മോഹം

ഒരു നേര്‍ത്ത സൂര്യ കിരണമായ്

നിന്‍ ശിരസ്സില്‍ തലോടാന്‍

എന്നില്ലേ ഊര്‍ജം

നിന്നിലേക്കൊഴുക്കാന്‍

പിന്നെ ചിലപ്പോള്‍

കത്തുന്ന സൂര്യനായ്

നിന്നെ എന്നിലേക്ക്‌ ഉരുക്കി

ഒന്നായി ചേരുവാന്‍ മോഹം

മേട മാസത്തിലെ ഇളം തെന്നലായ്

നിന്‍ മേനി തൊട്ടു

എന്നിലെ നറുമണം

Ninnil പകര്‍തതാന്‍

പിന്നെ ചിലപ്പോള്‍

ഒതുങ്ങാത്ത കാറ്റായ്

നിന്നെ ചുറ്റിപുണര്‍ന്നു

എന്‍ ശ്വാസത്തില്‍ ഒതുക്കാന്‍

ഓരോ മോഹങ്ങള്‍ അങ്ങിനെ

അശ്രുവായ്, രശ്മിയായ്

എന്നില്‍ നീയും

നിന്നില്‍ ഞാനും

ഒരേ gaanathin ഈണമായി

താളം ആയി ......

I was a princess once !

When I was a little girl, not so long ago (ahem) I would quietly slip away from all, sit in a corner and day-dream. My mom would often chastise me on this habit of mine. Eyes half shut, my lips curved in half a smile-already anticipating glee, I would step into my dream room, full of greeting cards, stacked from bottom to the ceiling.

Colourful cards of butterflies , flowers, mickey/minne mouse, my favourite being the three dimensional ones that came from the gulf. Hours would pass by with me conjuring up minute details of my beautiful cards.

At other times I would be climbing the faraway tree, up the ladder into the 'land of goodies'. The roads paved of chocolate and benches of sponge cake, tarts and pastries growing on trees and my favourite five star chocolates to be plucked from low bushes. . I am sure Enid Blyton wouldnt mind this slight inclusion.

Sometimes, I would pamper myself with clothes. Boxes and boxes of beautiful skirts with frills, blouses with laces. Hats and shoes. I would be a little princess, my face and hair resembling some character in some fairy tale. My small world would brim over with happiness!

Now I have had my fill of cards and goodies, my wardrobe stacked with pretty clothes, I dream of a little girl who found happiness, crouched in a corner, just dreaming away.

Our rains

I woke up listening to the rain tapping at my window. As I lay on the bed enjoying the music from the skies...my thoughts slowly took me back to our courting days.

My most memorable rains I have spent with you. Walking under a umbrella, wet from head to toe, shivering, while you held me close trying to warm me with your body, your love. How we weaved through the lanes and bylanes of Mumbai, oblivious to the world, immersed in our closenesss and the din of the rain in the background. We let the rain do all the talking and when we turned to each other and kissed the skies erupted in vibrant colours, the rainbow a witness to our joy.

I love to see you laugh out aloud when I complain of the amount of walking you made me do!

Cherish every step of our walk together. Two decades down the lane there is nothing in life that gives me more happiness than to squirm into the crook of your shoulder while you shield me from the rain, and as we turn to each other and kiss, my heart wells up with emotion, my eyes catch a glimpse of a rainbow far ahead in the horizon.

Let me be

Leave me alone

let me be

I have nothing to give you

dont pester me so !

no promises I can make

no smile to give your way

not even a kind word

to help you through the day

dont crawl into my dreams

hazy though they may be

making me want to hold on

when I have to let go

dont lure me with love

eyes full of longing;

stories of dead lovers

from a hundred years ago

let the distances be

travellers of afar

me a river to the sea

you a shining star !