A journey to me...I

I was finally taking off ! The train had begun rolling off the crowded station, I turned to look at my loved ones standing there and all my excitement died down in an instant. Oh god, what am I doing on this train, my mind scrambled in a hundred directions. Should I run to the door and make a hasty retreat? Should I pull the chain?? Darkness crept into my eyes. Too late, the train had picked speed, whistling away, reminding me of the toy stories I was fascinated with as a child. Isn't this what I'd wanted for a long, long time? How much of convincing I had to do and now that it was happening, why did my feet grow cold? It was the faces of them there...

My cell, yes! I was thanking technology as I pulled it out of my bag and punched in my daughter's number - no no, I wouldnt be able to take it if her tone showed any signs of sadness. This time I dialled Mohan, 'yes honey'?........ .'.ponnu, the kids..are they ok? I asked. 'Oh yes, we are on our way to KFC, wanna talk to them'? As he handed the phone to my younger one, I heard his voice in the background, 'mamma is worried about you two'.
'Mamma, we are fine, you have a great time and please don't worry over us' . Both of them had taken after him, strong and sensitive.

Next I called amma, she would be worrying herself sick. When I first mentioned my intention of taking off to the mountains by myself, she laughed out loud. Once she realized that I was serious and that I may actually take off, she tried talking me out of it. 'Wont Mon ( Mohan) take you any place you wish to..why this need for travelling alone, that too so far away? Eventually she relented. Condition was I travel in a group along with those tour makers which also put Mohan's mind at ease a bit. He wouldnt complain- I knew that, but he would worry inside and still do everything to make my trip easy and he would be the proudest when I would get back after this adventure of mine.

It was nothing short of an adventure. Me- who was chauffered to the super-market, Me- who even after two decades of marriage clung to Mohans little finger in a gathering. I was making this trip by myself and I was feeling pretty good about 'me', that was till the train commenced its journey. A loud laughter snapped me out of my thoughts , the compartment was crowded, there were 45 of us on this trip, two tour organisers, a couple of old folks and the rest -middle aged people like me. Some alone and some with their spouses or friends. We had all gathered at the railway station earlier and were introduced to each other. I quickly scanned the coupe for a likely face that I could possibly be at ease with. The lady besides me looked at me and smiled, I smiled back , not ready for a conversation yet, I turned back to my window, my left cheek plastered to the glass, eyes on the moving landscape, thoughts far far away.......where would this journey take me?