My childhood wasn't an easy one. Destiny hadn't designed it to be thus. The sudden demise of dad in an accident set a pall of gloom over my house. I was left struggling with a deep sense of fear and insecurity about life. Every time mom left for work, I wouldn't be sure if she would be returning back safe. My nights were infested with bad dreams , trains colliding, buildings falling..it took me a long long time to eventually quell these dreams. They left a deep mark on my pysche.
Luckily for me, not all was dark and gloomy. There was another side to my life; We lived in a neighbourhood cluttered with children my age. I had plenty of friends, we had a roaring time playing , inventing games, conducting skits and fancy dresses. Most of our time after school we spent together. We grew up together, our bonds binding us for life. I forgot my misery whilst with them.
Back home, Amma , her sweet face shadowed in sadness , holding her head high, playing her super-woman role to keep the house-hold running was and will be always an enigma to me, an ever-flowing source of inspiration. After her office work, house-chores and the incessant pain in her heart, she still had the strength in her to sing us poems of Vallathol and Kumaran asan. Many a nights I have struggled hard to keep awake so as to not miss any syllable of her crooning. It is now that I have children of my own and have seen much of life, it sinks into me more and more deeply about how tremendously strong my mother was then and is now. I wish I could be as hard-working and strong as her. I have inherited her pride. It may pass of as arrogance and ego to some, in me, it is only a self-defence mechanism that sets off by default whenever there is a slight indication of the self-esteem being hit at. It is something which kept my mom going. I believe it will me too...
Nice
ReplyDeletenice ....:)
ReplyDeleteSomehow my sense of self esteem is entirely different.. pride in being a woman is definitely a matter of pride
ReplyDeleteBut at home and in love, my sense of self esteem is so high and strong that I give in .. because i know I am above all these trifles, and I know that no one can ever touch my self esteem..
If this defensive mechanism is taken as arrogance by strangers, it is their problem. But if they are dear ones, we need to relook at times and get rid of default settings (pride and prejudice)
It is just my opinion.. if it differs from yours it is only because both of us are original!
cheers smee.. keep your head high..love to your mom too:)
You are right Pygma..about the home and love part.
ReplyDeleteLuckily my dear ones do understand, have always been my strength and given me unconditional love. So thats never been an issue.
Thanks to both the dasans..:-)
ReplyDeleteAmma used to tell me that u will know the pain & courage of a mother once u become a mother..very nice smee..:)
ReplyDelete